Sochi today: Glastonbury-on-permafrost, hairbitch, and Jenny Jones goes bronze #Sochi2014

ImageThe Glastonbury fields are frozen, paved over; essential festival attire is a BBC Sport puffa.

Headliners New Kids On The Block are replaced at the last minute by local tribute band NKOTB – Russian for colourless rainbow – who clutch gansta medallions, another must-have accessory. Lineup-wise, as with TV drama, Scandinavian acts tend to do well.

Lycra, last seen on Mötley Crüe in 1983 and on terribly serious joggers this morning, is everywhere. A breakneck flash of red and yellow on the luge is not Iron Man but a 24-year-old German named Felix Loch, who wins gold again like he did four years ago. On receiving his medal, the national anthem is replaced by the Scorpions’ Rock You Like a Hurricane.

Bronze! Jenny Jones, a friendly blonde who you thought was on the organic cider stall, defies gravity on a snowboard to bag Britain’s first ever medal on snow. You can’t take your eyes from her Hollywood-styled-and-twirled hair when Clare Balding interviews her later, while team-mate and commentator Aimee Fuller sports a peroxide hairspray job last seen on Mötley Crüe in 1983.

Owners of Russian cheekbones stroll by.

The BBC’s Sochi 2014 website is here.

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About James Willsher

Newspaper and magazine reporter since 2004, has freelanced in Russia and Central Asia, and does local government PR. Likes green tea and interviewing people / places. Phil Garrett was a pen name. @JGWillsher jamesgwillsher@hotmail.co.uk
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