Headliners New Kids On The Block are replaced at the last minute by local tribute band NKOTB – Russian for colourless rainbow – who clutch gansta medallions, another must-have accessory. Lineup-wise, as with TV drama, Scandinavian acts tend to do well.
Lycra, last seen on Mötley Crüe in 1983 and on terribly serious joggers this morning, is everywhere. A breakneck flash of red and yellow on the luge is not Iron Man but a 24-year-old German named Felix Loch, who wins gold again like he did four years ago. On receiving his medal, the national anthem is replaced by the Scorpions’ Rock You Like a Hurricane.
Bronze! Jenny Jones, a friendly blonde who you thought was on the organic cider stall, defies gravity on a snowboard to bag Britain’s first ever medal on snow. You can’t take your eyes from her Hollywood-styled-and-twirled hair when Clare Balding interviews her later, while team-mate and commentator Aimee Fuller sports a peroxide hairspray job last seen on Mötley Crüe in 1983.
Owners of Russian cheekbones stroll by.
The BBC’s Sochi 2014 website is here.